Two dozen of my favourite things... not

What can one do with two dozen of eggs, close to their sell-by date? Husband couldn't help himself whilst browsing the "offers" shelf... apparently they were talking to him, winking at him very seductively indeed... I do sometimes wonder if his brain's scrambled...

Considering we eat, oh, I don't know, two eggs each a week, I make it a six-week supply... Only they won't last that long, not without giving us the squirts (or worse!) in the process.

Max says I could make home made pasta. The hell I could, like I have nothing better to do. Tried that once and never again. The end result looked like tapeworm and was just as slimey (I can only imagine them tapeworms are slimey, never had the pleasure of meeting one...)

It's quiche today, quiche tomorrow, I guess.

Oh, yes, I've solved the "chicken or egg" question (ok, ok, I stole that one off somewhere else but never you mind)... The chicken and an egg are laying in bed together, the chicken all happy, the egg annoyed. The egg turns to the chicken and says "Well, I guess we solved THAT riddle."
Funny it ain't but puts it to bed, doesn't it?

Wanna stroke my ferret!

We've stopped buying the weekly TV guide - a grand saving of 47 pence per week (£24.44 a year)!

Instead, Max collects a weekly "Homes & something" freebie from the estate agents round the corner, which has got TV pages at the back...

So, what I'm being deprived of is a weekly dose of "My ferret helped me through sex change" and similar stories that regularly appear in what used to be "our" TV rag. Balmy treatment for the tired mind, after a hard day's work...

What I get in return is pages and pages of properties for sale I'll never be able to afford... Not so balmy for the tired mind...

Might have to resort to shoplifting next. It's either that, or I get my ferret back..

It’s only a Fiverr

Another day in front of my best friend, Herr Laptop...

Do you want to know how to wriggle out of paying a parking fine? My editor thinks you do so I'm writing away... The deadline's tomorrow, still another 1,500 words to go... Money's good, I know the subject well (ok, so I'm sad) but the creative juices are not flowing...

So I found this site to amuse myself with, in the spirit of all things thrifty... just google Fiverr and you can forget about work for the rest of the day...

On Fiverr people advertise their services to do all things imaginable for only (you've guessed it) a fiver... they can be your friend of Facebook (but only for two weeks), break up with your partner (via a medium of your choice), or make an uncomfortable phone call on your behalf (this one could come useful if I carry on like that - someone to ring my editor to explain why I've missed the deadline...)

Or, check these out:

• I'll talk with you about Harry Potter for an hour (saddo...)
• I'll say your name in my everyday prayer (now, how do I know they've kept to their side of the deal?)
• I'll be your invisible friend for a week (as in: You can talk to me all you want. Although I may not answer, you can be confident that I'm there.)
  

And, at last, a voice of reason: I'll be very happy to accept your money and do absolutely nothing in return.

Did I mention that out of every $5 you pay, $1 goes to the brain behind Fiverr? Nice little gig, if one can get it. Please nod your head, I won't charge for that.

But I had to try it out, so I've settled for "a ball of spiritual energy"... Hang on, just arrived, got to get back to work...